I am still talking about him

I feel like my life is still wrapped up with my ex. When people talk about their spouses and tell stories, I still feel like saying "when we went to Cuba" and "When we bought our house" I feel like my history is in him. Because my memories, all of the memories of the past four and a half years, include him. Even the past ten months, in which I have been healing my heart, are because of him.

 

I started seeing a new therapist this week (in the new city that I am living in). And I was talking about this with her. When she asked me what it was I wanted to accomplish in our sessions together. And what I told her was, I want to stop talking about what happened. I want to stop thinking about it. I want to stop doing things because of what happened with my ex.

 

And she told me, that I have to make a decision to do that. That I have to decide, to not talk about it anymore.

 

That is way easier said than done.

 

When someone says "hey, have you ever played Little-Big Planet on Playstation?" it is very easy to respond "Yes! My ex and I used to play that all the time. We loved it." Because we did.

 

I guess it is because our relationship was good. From my point of view. Until the end. When it didn't exist anymore. And until it didn't exist anymore, I was happy. So I don't really have a lot of bad memories of our three and a half years together. All of the bad memories are from when we were no longer together.

 

So I am going to stop. Stop talking about him in passing. Stop using his name. Stop talking about the breakup. I am in a new place. I am in a new life. I don't need to go over and over my breakup. Bad things happen to people all the time. Heart break happens all the time. And it is terrible. And it is sad.

 

But it is over.

 

 

And this is not to say that I am still sitting at home, thinking about what has happened. Because I haven't been doing that. I am living my life. It is just the little things. The casual comments. The thought that this move was because of him. I don't need to explain my move to everyone that I meet. People move all the time. I don't need to tell people that I went to Cuba with my ex, I can just say that I went there for a friend's wedding.

 

Have you had to make this conscious choice to stop talking & thinking about someone or something? Did it just happen naturally?

 

 

I bought a condo. NBD.

I'm going to be a home owner again!

 

 

Over the weekend my parents and I met with a Realtor and went to visit a number of condos and town houses. There were a lot in my price range, and to be honest, most of them were exactly the same. And all of them were in the same area. (The city that I bought in, is pretty small, and there have been a bunch of condos built in the same area over the past 5 years).

 

It ended up coming down to the most bang for the buck. The one that I chose had the lowest list price, had all the appliances included (even the microwave!) and didn't have a contingency fee upon closing. It was clean and well organized, and had a nice kitchen.

 

The current owner is a single man, so there is definitely some painting that needs to be done. (Strangely enough, I am not a big fan of "army green" for the living room wall color).

 

The new place is a pretty good size, it is 1200 square feet. It has almost all of my wish list items (other than the two bathrooms). It has a great open concept kitchen-dining room- living room. There is a huge island in the kitchen that faces out into the rest of the living space. There is a new fridge, stove & dishwasher in the kitchen. I'm not a huge fan of the color of the counter tops, but it is pretty neutral.

 

The two bedrooms are pretty good size, the master is 12x12 and the 2nd bedroom is 12x11. The master does have two huge closets in it, and a nice big window.

 

The bathroom is actually really big. It has a separate stand up shower and jet tub (!!) There is a ton of storage space, and a big window.

 

And there is a laundry room with a bunch of storage space. And a washer and dryer.

 

I am totally excited. This week I have to work on getting all of the financing sorted out at the bank, the home inspection done, and find myself a lawyer in this new city. All in all I am pretty freaking excited about the whole thing.

 

And now, I am totally obsessed with the thought of choosing a whole new color scheme and decorating style for the new place. I have become totally obsessed with Pinterest and have been keeping a stack of color samples from the hardware store on my coffee table and looking at the constantly.

 

Have you moved into a new place and changed the whole style? What is your favorite color scheme right now?

Let's go condo shopping

I'm in the market for a condo.

 

I used to own a home. My ex and I bought a townhouse about a year into our relatinoship. We were starting our life together, and we found an adorable little townhouse. It was 1500 square feet. It had 3 official bedrooms (although if it was a rental, the basement rec room would totally be a bedroom). It had an open concept main floor, and a tiny deck to BBQ on. And we loved it. I became a homeowner at the ripe age of 23.

 

In the two and a half years that we lived there, the market in our city changed dramatically. Our tiny townhouse went up in value about 70%. Which means that when my ex and I broke up, he had to buy me out at market value.Which means that I ended up with a bit of money in my pocket for a downpayment on my next place.

 

So, I am in the market for a condo. I am planning on renting out one of the rooms to a roommate for the time being. To help me pay for the mortgage payments.

 

I have a bit of a wishlist.

 

2 bedroom

2 bathroom (including master ensuite for me)

Laundry within the condo (as opposed to shared)

Dishwasher

Outside access (ie balcony)

Storage Space

Move in ready

 

I am excited to start looking for a place. Really excited. I am excited to buy a place of my own, and to start decorating. I stil have a lot of the furniture and artwork from my old house (because I was the one who bought the art, and while my ex got things like BBQ & Whipper-snipper, I got things like couch & coffee table). I have been cruising etsy non-stop looking at things that I love, and things that I can't wait to buy and put into my own place.

 

My parents are coming to visit this weekend, and we have some appointments set up with an agent. She is going to be showing us an variety of condos and town houses in the area that I am looking. 

 

Do any of you have your own place? Any things that I should add to the must haves while condo hunting?

 

Fresh Start

*I wrote this post about 2 weeks ago, but have not had internet access in my apartment. And I do not sign into my blog at work (where I do have internet access). So I am attempting to update my blog by email.*

 

So I've moved.

 

I left the island that I was living on, and am back on the mainland. I have been at my new job for a week. And am moving into my new apartment tomorrow.

 

Thank goodness, I left my apartment on May 18, and have been living out of suitcases and the back seat of my car since then. Two weeks of living like this is enough for me. I stayed with my parents for the long weekend, and then stayed with a friend and her parents for the week last week. Over this past weekend, I went to visit another friend to give the first friend a bit of a break. Whew. Lots of living out of bags, and trading things in and out of the trunk of my car.

 

But tomorrow, I get to move into my place. And will get to settle in. And spend a tiny bit of time all by myself. Since I have been completely surrounded by people for the majority of the past two weeks.

 

The one friend that I have in this city (the one that I have been staying with) is going on vacation this week. So she is going to be away, and I am going to be all alone for my first weekend in this city. I am thinking that it will be pretty quiet. I am going to take in some of the wonderful weather we have been having. And explore my new neighbourhood.

 

This is all very exciting. A bit exhausting. And totally scary!

 

Have you moved to a new city all alone? Was it the fresh start you were looking for?