Friday, March 4, 2011

Sense of Loss

It is really hard to change your mindset.

My ex and I became really serious right at the beginning of our relationship. About 2 months in, we were talking about spending our lives together. We started house shopping about 6 months in, and bought a house together at the 8 month mark. We talked about having a family since the beginning, and were planning on having a baby within about a year of getting married.

Changing the way I think about having a family is really hard.

When I was visiting my sister, we went away skiing for a weekend. While walking the streets of the adorable ski town all I could notice were the little families. The young couples with their kids.

I kept feeling a sense of loss. Like, I was almost there, and now I am not even close. I feel sad that I am so far from having that little family, that I had been planning.

I feel like it is going to take a while for me to appreciate life for what it is right now. To see the positive side of being single. To totally understand that at this moment I can do anything and go anywhere that I want to.

I feel like it is going to take a while for me to see a little family, and not wish it was my own. Do you ever feel this sense of loss?

*Sorry that my blog has been a bit manic lately... I am having some ups and downs, so you get to read about it...*

Thursday, March 3, 2011

More life changes?

I think I am moving.

I moved to a new province, when I started university almost ten years ago. I came here on my own, and moved into a residence hall. After finishing university, I decided to stay here. My friends were here, I was single, and I loved the city. And then I met my ex-fiance.

And we started to build a life together. And I made a decision to stay here. Even though I am far from my family, I decided to stay. I love the city. I was marrying an amazing man. I was starting my own family. I always said that I wished I had settled closer to home. Closer to my parents.

Right now, I am not within driving distance of my parents and my home town. If I want to get to them, I need to take a flight. It isn't a long flight, but it does mean that I can't go and visit at the drop of a hat. Last easter my best friend from high school and I decided that we would both go home for Easter. She had a 5 hour drive. I had a $500 flight.

I would love to be able to drive home for a weekend.

Right before I went on vacation, there was a man in my department let go. In an area that we have been having a bunch of trouble, and high staff turnover in. He did a similar job to mine, but covers a difference province.

A province that is closer to home.

So, on Monday, I approached my boss and let him know that I was interested in the job. Interested in moving. And he basically said that I could. Move. That they would transfer me to the other position. He just needs to discuss it with the HR department, and change around the job description a little bit before the announcement is made.

In the new job, I will be about a 3.5 hour drive from my parents. I will be living in the same city as my best friend from university (who got transfered there with her job about a year and a half ago!) and I will be a two hour drive from my best friend from high school. I'll be close. Really close.

So I am happy. Excited. And a little bit terrified.

I haven't told any of my friends yet. I am waiting for the official announcement from work.

It is going to be a very interesting few months. More life changes...