I drove by my ex's house tonight.
You see, we were supposed to be in Italy right now. And I drove by his house to see if he was there. To see if he had gone to Italy without me.
One of the guys who was supposed to be a groomsman in our wedding, is getting married tomorrow. In Italy. And we were invited to go, and celebrate their wedding. We were going to go for two weeks, one to tour around Italy, and one to celebrate our friends wedding. We were going to be newly weds. Celebrating the marriage of our good friends.
I have been wondering all week if he is there with them. Without me.
Tonight I dropped a friend off at her house, which was very close to my old house. And so I took a detour, and drove by my old place. It was the first time that I had done that.
His car wasn't home. He wasn't there.
With all the changing that I have been doing. And all the decisions that I have been making about my life. It still seems strange to me that he is doing the same thing. Changing. Growing. Going on with life. Without me. Even though I am going on without him. It still seems strange to me that he is going on without me.
I know that I have been missing in action for a while, but while I was driving home, I was writing this blog post in my head.
I've missed this blog.