I feel like I should have lots to say. That I should be able to reflect back on everything that has happened over the past three months, and have lots to talk about.
But, I don't really.
Sometimes this doesn't feel like my life. Sometimes it feels like I am on a vacation from my real life, and that at any moment I am going to just, go home. And things will be back the way they were before.
Sometimes it feels like my relationship with my ex never happened. Like, it was all a really long dream that I had once. About this amazing guy, who I loved, and who broke my heart.
Most of the time, I feel like I am just going about my life. Going to work. Coming home. Spending time with friends. Talking to my mom on the phone. . And it feels really strange to be doing it all solo.
It has been a really long time since I made any decisions all alone. I started dating my ex when I was 22. I bought a house with him. Purchased life insurance. Went on vacations. We both got new jobs in the time we were together. And made a lot of new friends. Many people didn't even know us without one another. So now, decisions seem hard. Deciding what kind of renter's insurance to purchase for my place, seemed weird. Not that he made decsisons for me. He didn't. We made them togehter. And now making them alone seems strange.
It is also strange not to have a plan. You see, I am a planner. I plan things.
I plan vacations years in advance. I plan life events. I have been planning on gettting married and having children, before I am thirty, since I was a child. And now, my plan has been taken away. And I am left without one. Which is hard. And uncomfortable. So I need to make a new plan. Or at least, figure out what direction I am supposed to be travelling in.
Do you have a plan? Has it been interrupted in the past?