Please be kind.
You see, 2010 was a bit hard on me.
And I am hoping that you, 2011, will be kinder.
I am looking for a lot of things 2011, but mostly, I am looking for myself. I can't really remember who I am. The things I like. The things I want. I can't really remember who I am, when I am not preparing to be a wife, or a mother. I can't really remember who I am, when I am not a home owner, or someone who goes to costco on the weekends with her partner.
I got a little lost in 2010, and I am hoping to be found in 2011.
I am looking to learn more, 2011. I want to learn about all sorts of things. I am looking to learn about photography. I want to buy a fancy new camera and take a class. I want to take stunning pictures, while visiting the beautiful nature that surrounds me in this great city. I want to learn more about feminism. I took a women's studies class in university and loved it. I want to get back to thinking about myself as a woman, and what that means in our culture. I want to read. Everything. I even want to learn in an academic world, because, 2011, I want to go back to school.
I want to remember what it is like to cook. Really cook. Food that I like, and not just meals that can be prepared quickly, but foods that are good for my body and good for my soul. I want to try new recipes and make things that I have never cooked before. Just because I live alone, doesn't mean that I can't make great meals. I want to make delicious things, and invite people for dinner.
I want to learn how to date. I haven't dated much in the past. Since I was 18, there was only a four month period when I was single. I want to go on dates with actual men, who will ask me real things about myself, and about my life. And I want to have good thing to tell them. I want to date people and decide if I like them, not if they like me.
I want to meet new people. People who don't know my story. People who don't know who I used to be. And who I thought I was going to be. I want to meet people, and have them know who I am right now.
I want to figure out where I want to live. I have lived in this amazing city for almost ten years. But I am far from my parents. Far from my family. I want to figure out where my ties are. Where I should be. If I should move closer, or if I should stay where I am, and continue to build my life.
I want to heal. I want to be able to relate to people without thinking about my past. I want to be able to celebrate things without noticing how single I am. Without feeling like someone is missing. I want to stop feeling so sad. And start feeling happy. I want to grow as a person, and feel better about my life as it is right now.
I want to continue to grow my friendships. I want to be able to make plans, reach out to people, spend time with others. I can make plans for work nights. I can decide to go for dinner on a Tuesday. I also want to grow my online friendships, through forums that I visit, through this blog, through twitter.
Oh 2011, you are a clean slate. A new year. A time for anything to happen.
So, please be easy on me, 2011. Please be filled with love, and fun, and happiness. Be full of opportunities, and adventures. And most of all, be kind.