Monday, January 3, 2011

I wonder how he has changed?

If you follow me on Twitter you know that my flight was redirected today. And you also know that I am drinking in the airport bar, courtesy of the $10 that WestJet kindly gave me since they could not land in the fog in my city (haha... $10 to last from 10am - 11pm). So now I  am back in the airport that I started in this morning at 10am, 3 hours into my 6 hour wait for my next flight.

I have a lot of time to think. (As if I haven't been doing enough of that lately...)

This blog post is brought to you by airport delays & wine....

It has been 4 months since my ex called off our wedding. It has been 4 days since my unwedding day. Sometimes I still can't believe that this happened. That he didn't want to work on our relationship. That it is over.

In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday. And in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago.

I have changed so much in the past 4 months. Both physically and emotionally. I cut off all my hair (which I had been growing out for the wedding) and dyed is much darker.  I gained  20lbs (yikes!). I bought my first pair of skinny jeans. I had eye surgery last month (no more glasses!).

I have thought about doing so many different things with my life. I decided to write the LSAT, studied for it, and  I wrote it (keep your fingers crossed, I still haven't received my mark!). I have researched working abroad. Have looking into buying a condo here in this city, and in other cities. I have thought about travelling, alone and with friends.

And I have spent a lot of time thinking. About my life. About myself. About our relationship.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about the things that I want from myself, from my life, from a partner.

And I have thought about the ways that my ex did not fufill those thoughts and dreams.

And it is terrifying.

I was ready to marry that man. A man, who might not have been everything that I was looking for. I was devastated when he left me. I had no idea what to do. I had spent the previous almost four years preparing to be his wife, and the mother of his children, and he was gone. And I thought that he was everything that I wanted in life. Only, looking back now, he wasn't...

So now, I wonder how he has changed.

If I have changed so much, in the past four months... And it make me think...  what he has changed? We have not spoken since our separation was finalized (except for the church incident). I did see on his facebook that he was painting (what was he painting? the bathroom? it really needed a coat of paint).

Has he changed? Has he re-evaluated his life? Has he thought about running away? Has he made some sort of huge career change? Has he thought about dating? Has me met someone new?

I wonder how he has changed.


  1. Stuff happen that might "screw" our lives up, but it all depends on how you approach the issue. Here I can clearly see that your "Unwedding Day" has nurture your ability to write, I really loved it, the way you express yourself.

    I'll tell you something, even though we don't know each other: If wine and airplane delays don't ruin your day, neither will vodka and train cancellations, nor gin and no taxis under a rainy day.

    keep on writing, use your "situation" all you can.



  2. Thanks for commenting Ed. I am trying to pull out the positive in all of this.

  3. I really enjoyed reading this post and i have to say that you sound like you have been very strong through the whole break up - I wish I had the strength that you had. Good luck to you in all that you plan to do - I will be following your blog x

  4. I really resonated with "In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday. And in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago." That is where I am at, 4.5 months out. So much has changed but what hasn't is my attachment to what I thought I had. I need to move on.