Sunday, January 2, 2011

My Unwedding Day

As a lot of you know, December 31, 2010 was supposed to be my wedding day. It was supposed to be the day that I walked down the aisle, towards my future husband. It was supposed to be the day that we stood together, in front of all of the important people in our lives, and said our marriage vows. Vows that our parents said, vows that our grandparents said. Promises to one another, that were supposed to last a lifetime.

Friday was supposed to be that day.

Every since my wedding was called off, I had been dreading my unwedding day. I had been filled with fear and anxiety. I had been so worried about that day. About what would happen. About how I would feel. About how I would react. I was terrified that I would end up feeling exactly the way that I felt back in August, when my ex told me that he no longer wanted to be with me.

I was afraid.

Whenever someone tried to talk to me about it, I would burst into tears. One friend suggested we go out of town. Another suggested we go to a concert. Each time someone mentioned New Years Eve plans, I would well up, and have to leave the room.

I have healed a lot in the past four months. And I was so scared that I would end up right back where I started. After what happened a few weeks ago with the email from the church, I was thinking that I might spend the entire day in  bed.

But I didn't. In fact, my unwedding day turned out to be pretty uneventful.

On Thursday, my two best friends (one from High School, one from University). They each drove more than three hours, to spend the final day, of the worst year of my life with me. They are both amazing. I can't imagine what I would have done without them.

On Friday morning I slept in, late. Until about 11am. I was hoping to sleep as much of the day away as I could. I got up, got dressed, and had some breakfast. I watched a few episodes of Big Bang Theory with my parents and my friends. My BFFs and I went out for (late) lunch, and chatted about all of the things that are going on in our lives.

After our lunch, we watched a few more episodes of Big Bang Theory with my parents (my dad received seasons 1-3 for Christmas) and then had supper with my family. My parents had plans to go out with some of the neighbours,  so the three of us were left on our own. In preparation, we had rented 3 movies.

And then we watched them. We hung out in the basement with the fire going, we ate some popcorn, chips and some cake. And we watched three movies, back to back to back. I teared up a few times, when I mentioned that we only had an hour left in the worst year of my life. And when my sister called to wish me a Happy New Year. But other than that, I was ok..

I did cry for a while after everyone had gone to bed. And my mom did come into my room after she came home from the party, and hugged me and sat with me while I cried for a while. (And I might be crying right now, as I write this). But I made it. I survived it.

2010 was awful. This has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But, I have survived it. I am ok.  And in the grand scheme of things, a breakup being the worst thing that has ever happened to be, means that I am a pretty lucky person. Because no matter how terrible I have felt (and I am sure that I am going to have some more terrible days) I have a pretty great life.


  1. Congrats on making it through your unwedding day. I know how hard it must have been. Mine was pretty rough, even though much of it felt uneventful like you mentioned. I was also lucky to have family and friends with me. Now that it's behind you, you no longer have to look forward to some fated date, you can look forward to a future full of possibilities and happiness. Best of luck this year.

  2. 2010 has gone, I wish you best for 2011 and don't you worry a thing. It wasn't meant to be.

  3. Cat, thanks. I actually read your unwedding day post on Dec 30... just to see how it went for you. Hopefully in the not too distant future I will celebrate NYE and not even notice that it was supposed to be my wedding day.

    MBFGD, Thanks!