Monday, December 20, 2010

New Friends

I lost some friends in my breakup.
It is funny isn't it? You don't really think of whose friends are whose when you are in a relationship. You just think of them as friends. People you spend time with on the weekends. People you go on vacations with. You think of them as your friends.
But then when there is a break up, the lines are divided. You lose friends. In fact, you might never hear from people who you thought to be your good friends. They might not call/email/facebook you at all. And you aren't sure what you will say to then when you run into them. Because you are bound to, at some point.
So yeah, I lost some friends.
But there has been space left in my life for new friends.
I've started hanging out with a great bunch of women. Some of who are single. One of who has been through an awful divorce in the past few years. They are friends of friends. And now, I am getting invited to events and get togethers. With new friends.
It is interesting being friends with people who only know me as a single person. Who never met my ex. And who don't really see me as someone who was ready to settle down. It is strange that they don't know what my house was like, or what my life was like. They only know me as I am now.
And even though they didn't know me before, they have been amazingly supportive. Inviting me to parties. Inviting me for supper. Suggesting books. Sending emails to check on me after my surgery. Being great friends.
Losing friends, and losing relationships isn't all bad.
Sometimes you end up with brand new friends.


  1. There is nothing like making new friends! Perhaps this happens more when we are single, we are possibly more likely to try new things. Just a thought!

  2. Natalie is right. Plus it's better to know who are your friends after all.

  3. Nat, I think that is true. I have more free time to go out and meet new people, and I don't have to double check plans with anyone!

    Greeknblonde, I know, right? Things like this really show you who you can count on!

  4. Exactly. And honestly I would love to make some new friends. Between jobs and housework don't have much time any more.

  5. Yeah, there is always going to be the "custody" of old friends after a separation since you've made friends with new couples, brought your individual friends into the mix, etc.

    There's this unwritten law about separations too, which is quite fascinating, in that friends on either side feel obligated to "choose." It's rather petty and quite immature.

    Personally, if I become friends with someone, regardless of how we met, and I'd like to have them in my life, I make it a point to keep it that way, and I still have friends today that I've acquired through various past relationships. If you don't have the benefit of mutual respect/friendship from the one's that 'chose' than they really weren't much of a 'friend' to begin with.

    Good to hear you are out there being social! Too many people take crisis in their life as a sign of defeat, rather than an opportunity to learn and grow.

  6. keepyourwoman, yeah, in the breakup with my college boyfriend I kept all of my friends. And still run in the same circle. But my ex fiance's friends were really tight knit, and when someone breaks up, they are gone from the group! Super intense!