Thursday, December 23, 2010


I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I made it home safely to my parents house. And all of my family is also home. My last aunt arrived this evening.

And I am overwhelmed.

I can't help but feel like something is missing. Some part of me is missing.

I am sleeping on a futon in the office, instead of in my childhood room, because that bed is bigger, and my sister and her boyfriend are sleeping in there.

Anytime my friends or my sister refer to their significant others, I feel a pang. I feel like I am being hurt by their happiness. Which then makes me feel terribly selfish and petty.

There are no peanut butter balls this Christmas, because those were my ex's favorite, and my mom would make them specially for him.

I know that this us just one year. And I know that, in time, this will all become insignificant. And I know that I shouldn't let this ruin my holidays entirely.

But I feel sad. And overwhelmed by everything that is going on.

In the past few months, I have not been surrounded by couples. I have been going out with my girl friends. And making new, single friends. But now, I am sitting around the supper table with my sister and her boyfriend. And talking about new houses, and new puppies, and new engagements with all of my coupled friends and family.

Hopefully this is just today, and I will feel better, more normal tomorrow.

Any suggestions to get me out of my funk?


  1. No particularly spectacular ideas, but it's ok to be sad, and it's ok to feel jealous and hurt by others happiness. It's normal.

    Take a long hot bath and (if you have a laptop), watch a TV show online or part (or all) of a movie. Or take a long bath and read. (I'm a new fan of bubble baths...!)

  2. Thanks for the support, Amy. It is a rough time for sure. I will try to squeeze in a bath tomorrow. Or I might take a "nap" and just read for a while in my room.

  3. I agree with Amy. It's totally okay to feel this pain and to be down. I don't think anyone would fault your for it. I would also focus on the things that you LOVE this holiday, things that had nothing to do with your ex. The traditions that existed BEFORE your ex. That maybe he added to... but he did not create and they can exist without him. That's what I'm trying to do :)

  4. I think you are allowed to be sad. You're grieving lots of lost dreams and hopes.

  5. It's so incredibly normal to feel this way. What to do is not view the whole scene as if you are somehow looking in from the outside. Get involved and have special one-to-one chats with certain people. There will be so much love in that room for you, but what you need is to engage with those different relationships. You will feel connected and feel love again.

  6. Cat, those are great sugggestions. How are things going at your place?
    Laura, thanks. That is exactly what is happening.
    Nat, I am going to try to focus on the one on one convos tonight. That will make it easier, I think.
    Hope you all are having a good Christmas Eve!

  7. I agree with everyone. Its a normal phase and holidays can be hard for a lot of people. Luckily you have a big family and a lot of awesome friends (and blog buddies) to support you and share some laughs.